The 4th Trimester
When I was about 30 weeks pregnant, my midwife started to talk about the 4th trimester. I had heard the term here and there, but I never truly knew what it entailed until I was living it. The 4th trimester of a pregnancy is HARD! This time frame is from delivery - until what most consider “ends” at the 6–8-week mark. However, the fourth trimester, really should be considered the first year postpartum. It CAN take up to that long for your body to regulate and “feel normal” again. In hindsight, you were just pregnant for 9-10 months, it takes TIME to get back. There is so much physical and emotional change that it can be difficult to find your new normal over the course for the first few days post-delivery, but into the weeks and months with your newborn. Of course, birth, no matter your story, can be hard and painful as well. My plan was an all-natural, unmedicated approach while in a hospital. I originally wanted a home birth, but my husband was not comfortable with that at all, so we compromised with a midwife in a hospital. None of my labor experience went as I planned.
After getting induced at 40 weeks and 3 days, starting pitocin, enduring 14 hours of painful contractions, and spiking a fever, I ended up in the operating room. I was so rattled because this was NOT my plan. I knew everything about vaginal delivery and nothing about c-section recovery because I was determined to do it naturally. Obviously, God had different plans for us. Looking back, I am sad that it didn’t go my way, but I am forever grateful for a happy and healthy baby boy. I am also thankful for my OBGYN, who did my surgery because I had no complications with my scar. I did find out that I am allergic to ChloraPrep. I had a HORRIBLE rash on my belly for 2 weeks following my surgery. The only thing that helped me was the lavender calming balm called Goup. Next came the hardest part. Finding our new normal. How was I supposed to balance healing from major abdominal surgery while learning how to breastfeed, learn how to be a new mom, also be a good wife, and graduate in 2 weeks. All of this was just the first few days of the 4th trimester! Looking back, it is wild how fast I adapted to our new life.
Over the first 2 weeks after delivery is when the most change is happening. Change to my body. Change of my newborn. Change to my family. Change to my house. It is truly the biggest learning curve for new and experienced parents to go through. For us, we spent 3 days in the hospital post c-section. I couldn’t walk on my own for most of those days, I couldn’t lift anything, had little to no appetite, and I had fluids coming out of everywhere. My milk took a few days to come in (It's normal for milk to take 2-3 days to come in and when you have an epidural or spinal block, that can make it come a little later than "normal"), but when it did, it came in STRONG! Once we got home I was having to pump every 1.5-2 hours to stay comfortable. I am forever grateful for my mother, who would push me to pump between nursing sessions. I did have an oversupply for about the first 4-5 months, but it built up my freezer stash very quickly and gave me more freedom to go on a vacation or date night later down the road. Around day 5 or 6 is when my first mom instinct kicked in. Breastfeeding was SO painful. When I say painful, I mean toe curling, sweating, crying, every time he latched on, but I was determined to continue. Looking back now, I wish I could have convinced myself to trust my gut, but I had so many other experienced moms telling me this was normal, and they went through it, too. Plus, I was too tired and too drained to question anything else.
Andy had a pretty severe lip tie and a mild tongue tie. My pediatrician told me, ‘He’s a boy. He will probably fall some time in his toddler years, and it will bust it. There is no need to worry about it now’. While Andy came out 9lbs, 9 oz, he was slowly inching his way down on the growth chart. They told me to up nursing sessions and supplement with formula if need be. This is when mom instinct number 2 happened. Why would I need to supplement with formula if I had a whole freezer full of breastmilk? He was also spitting up a TON! As a first-time mom, I knew spit up could be normal for babies, but what were the criteria for it to be abnormal? Every pediatrician visit, I would bring it up, and I was always reassured that he was fine. Yet, I was still hearing that he wasn’t gaining weight like they wanted him to? Something wasn’t adding up. When feeding Andy, we opted for more of a schedule style for feeding. Andy was a really good sleeper (I think because he was jaundiced after birth), so I was told to wake him at night to nurse. But I had always heard the saying, never wake a sleeping baby. Well, we did, but not as often as the pediatrician recommended. We had to do what was best for us. There would be times I could tell he was cluster feeding as well, so I would go with the flow and follow his lead during those times. We also relied heavily on the Huckleberry app. Postpartum/sleep deprived brain is NO JOKE! I couldn’t remember anything!!!! Both Garrett and I had it on our phones so we could both log things. We logged diapers, nursing sessions, bath time, sleep windows, and pumping sessions. If I didn’t write it down, it would be forgotten forever. This helped to avoid a bunch of arguments between Garrett and I. Did it feel like overkill? Yeah kinda, but it also helped us to transition into our new normal. We stopped using it as much around 4-6 months because I didn’t feel the need for it. I then used it primarily for pumping.
Along with all the questions about my baby, I was also trying to figure out what the new normal for my body was? How long should it take for my scar to heal? How long will it take for me to feel back to normal again? I was in pretty severe pain for about a week after my c-section. I had the ‘normal’ amount of bleeding, my scar never reopened (Thank God!), and it only took a week of painkillers to get me back up and moving again. My doctor brain kept telling me to do the deep breathing exercises and give myself grace for healing, but my mom brain kept telling me otherwise. I felt like a failure because I ended up in a c-section. I felt weak because I had to take painkillers for what felt like forever. I felt like a bad mom because I couldn’t care for my baby on my own. I let all of these negative thoughts intrude on my brain, and it wasn’t helping me or anyone around me. Thankfully, my husband was able to take 3 weeks off of work, and my mom stayed with us for about a week and a half, so that helped a ton. My mom and I are very similar in the fact that we have the athlete mindset of pushing through the pain. After major abdominal surgery, this is not the mindset you want to have. I could tell when I pushed myself too hard because my bleeding would increase. When I went back to my midwife 4 weeks postpartum, I was still spotting, very sore and tender, but yet I was cleared to go back to normal activities…. LIKE WHAT!?!? How was I cleared to work out or have sex again!? This is when my doctor brain kicked back in, and I knew I needed to allow myself more time to heal and rest. I was now able to do some deep breathing exercises and deep core stabilization. I knew I wasn’t ready for anything more than this. This also made me feel weak again. I wanted to snached waist like other c-section mom’s had. Why did I still have this shelf?
Around the 4-6 week mark, I was able to go on longer walks without having stabbing pain in my belly. This was so freeing! I was actually able to get out of the house during the day! If you know me at all, I always say that I am like a plant. I need water and sunlight daily to feel like a normal human. It is so hard with a newborn to get out of the house. When I finally worked it into our daily routine, I was a better mom and a better wife. It helped me to regulate my emotions better, refill my cup, and feel better in this new body of mine. It also helped that Andy was in a pretty good routine. He would wake up and eat, we would either play on the floor or go for a walk, and then he would go down for another nap. It was much easier to handle and wrap my brain around. Naps also got a lot easier, too.
From birth, during sleep times, he was either in a swaddle in the bassinet or I was holding him. It wasn't until he was around 4 weeks old, and we transitioned Andy from the swaddle to a sleep sack. I was prepared for rebellion, but it never happened. Andy took to the new sleeping arrangements like a champ! Overnight, he would sleep in a bassinet in our room, but starting at 4 weeks old, I would have him take one nap in the crib in his room. I would still rock him to sleep and cuddle him, but I wanted him to get used to it. Other naps I would put him in the pack n play in the living room. I wanted to encourage him to sleep even if there was commotion in the same room. Every change we made with his sleep, he adapted very easily. I think it was due to not sticking with one thing for too long. He always had to learn how to adapt to his new environment. We stuck with the sleep sack until he was rolling over, and then we ditched that too. Now all he needs is a sound machine and a lovie and he can sleep anywhere!
I know everyone’s experiences are different, but the 4th trimester definitely had its ups and downs for me. It was a whirlwind of learning, adapting, and surviving. There is no right or wrong way to go about it. You have to do what is best for you and your family. My biggest advice is to follow your gut and stick up for yourself. If you can’t do it for yourself, have your spouse step in. They are your biggest cheerleader! Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help if you are struggling. Every mama needs to have someone they can talk to and bounce ideas off of. It's one reason why we love having two mama chiropractors in our office, because we both have different experiences and can help answer your questions. Even if we don't know the answer, we have resources to others who will. It is normal to feel off during the 4th trimester, and we are here to support you, Mama.
