When I was pregnant with Anderson, I was so excited to see what my body was capable of. Growing a human, birthing a whole baby and then feeding and sustaining him for as long as possible! The idea of it was just dreamy to me. Then reality hit me square between the eyes. My pregnancy was everything I could have dreamed of and more, but the delivery and the beginning of our breastfeeding journey was painful and hard. My delivery was less than perfect. I got induced (I wish I hadn’t), labored for 14 hours unmedicated (this I was proud of), spiked a fever and ended up on the operating table. While I was very disappointed in myself, I was thankful for a healthy baby boy in the end. Then came the next exciting step in this whole process. Breastfeeding!!! After feeling like a failure for the delivery, I was determined to be successful at breastfeeding.

The first time I got to hold my baby,

after I was all sewn up, he was already rooting around looking for me. This made me feel so needed, eager, and nervous at the same time. I had already been pumping some colostrum the last week and a half of my pregnancy to try and stimulate labor. So I knew I had a little bit to fall back on if needed. The doctors kept telling me, ‘since he was a big baby, we want to make sure he gets enough to eat early on to prevent too much weight loss in the first couple days’. No pressure or anything… Per usual, my milk took a few days to come in and we blew through the stock of colostrum I had in half a day. Again, I was feeling defeated. We had to rely on some donor breast milk for a day or two until my milk really came in.

I am so so so thankful for my mom being by my side postpartum.

She got me up multiple times to make sure I pumped between feedings to help my milk come in. She was also so knowledgeable and encouraging when I was trying to get him to latch. As a new mom I was clueless. I took the areoflow lactation classes to learn about schedules, pumping, and breastfeeding. So I had a little bit of background, but I am a learn by doing type of person. When I first got him latched, I bawled like a baby. Yes I’m sure it was a rush of hormones but I finally felt successful for the first time in 24 hours. Or so I thought.

Then came the hospital's lactation consultant. She told me I was doing everything wrong and was so forceful with Andy. It made me very uncomfortable. After she left the room, I didn’t do it her way ever again and I was just fine… Kinda. I wish I was more prepared and did my research on a lactation consultant prior to delivery. That way I had a trusted resource if I needed her. When using a lactation consultant, make sure it’s someone you trust and not some random person that is required to come check on you. She came in one time and never came back. I shut down when she was there and she made me second guess everything I was doing. I was determined to figure it out on my own. As a mom, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves about breastfeeding success, but there is a whole other person involved in the equation. This baby who is hours old, has this innate intelligence telling them where the food is and how to get it, but it takes practice. This is one reason why babies constantly want to nurse the first few days of life.

When it was time to leave the hospital,

I was feeling pretty good about breastfeeding. My milk was coming in strong, I was able to feed him on demand and he would latch every time. The only red flag was that my nipples were starting to crack. I expected them to hurt for a week or two, but I did not think it would hurt this bad. I’m talking about toe curling, breath hitching, butt clenching, wanting to throw my baby off of me pain. All I heard from everyone around me was, ‘oh yeah, I remember those days. It hurts so badly, but it will get better’. All I could think was, how long until it gets better because now my nipples were bleeding.

I have the worst breastfeeding memory and it happened 10 days postpartum. My in-laws were over for a visit, my mom was still staying with us and I was struggling with finding our new balance. I couldn’t stand up straight or walk normally yet, I was still heavily bleeding, leaking from my boobs at all times and struggling to care for a newborn. I had put on a new pair of nursing PJ’s so I was a little more modest in front of Garrett’s family, and went to sit in the family room to feed Andy. I got all situated in my chair, but dreading the latch. As soon as he latched, I squeezed my but cheeks, curled my toes, sucked air through clenched teeth, and a tear went rolling down my face. I tried really hard to hold it together but when they laughed at my reaction, I lost it! I started bawling my eyes out and yelling at everyone who was laughing. Telling them it wasn’t funny and I’m sure they would have the same reaction if their nipples were raw and bleeding and had a baby chomping on them every 2 hours. It wasn’t my best side for sure. I was mortified. My father in law was sitting across the room and he was the only person who was trying to empathize with me through gentle looks and gestures.

Fast forward 2 months, my nipples had finally healed and I think I had no pain receptors left, but I was finally succeeding! My baby was gaining weight, I still had an over supply because I was pumping and nursing, and it wasn’t painful anymore! YAY! It did take 3-4 weeks for my nipples to callus up from all of the trauma, but we made it through. Something I was now noticing was that he kept spitting up like crazy. I thought it was from the food I was eating or laying him flat too quick after a feeding, so I brought it up to my pediatrician. I knew a little bit about oral ties, but not as much as I now know. When I looked in his mouth I could definitely see a lip tie, but I wasn’t sure about a tongue tie. The pediatrician said there was something there, but he’s gaining weight and it's not painful any more to nurse so don’t worry about it. “He will probably fall when he’s learning to walk and bust it. I wouldn’t worry about it now.” WHAT!?!? You want me to let my baby fall and bust his lip to release his lip tie!? What about the reflux? She said “Just hold him upright for more time after feeds and it will get better.” Now I was frustrated.

The pediatrician said there was something there, but he’s gaining weight and it's not painful any more to nurse so don’t worry about it. “He will probably fall when he’s learning to walk and bust it. I wouldn’t worry about it now.” WHAT!?!? You want me to let my baby fall and bust his lip to release his lip tie!? What about the reflux? She said “Just hold him upright for more time after feeds and it will get better.” Now I was frustrated.

So I began my search for second opinions. I confided in Dr. Ericka because she went through this with both of her boys as well. She referred me to Dr. Thomas in Southlake. She said that the reflux can be a sign of him getting too much air when he’s nursing and causing him to spit the milk back up. Now that was an answer I was looking for! An explanation for why he is having all of these symptoms.

At this point, Andy was now 6 months old and almost too big to get a revision done without anesthesia. They usually like to see babies within the first month of life. We went to our appointment with Dr. Thomas and after her evaluation we decided to do a frenectomy for his lip and tongue. This was the hardest thing to watch as a mom. I was so thankful that Garrett went with us because I don’t think I could have held Andy while they were doing the procedure. I sat in the corner and cried for the entire time, which was only 2-3 minutes.

After everything was done,

they were explaining the stretches and scar management to us, but all I was ready to do was try breastfeeding again. Would it feel different? Would he still want to latch? Would we need a lactation consultant to help us? Is this the end of our breastfeeding journey? Would he be mad at me for putting him through this? Most of these intrusive thoughts were irrational, but they were very loud in my head.y you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Finally, we were done and I was able to hold my baby again.

His face was red and wet from screaming a few minutes before and we headed to the lactation room so he could nurse. It was a little weird at first. He tried to latch, but the numbing gel was still affecting his lips so I had to help him a lot to latch on correctly. When he did finally latch, it was a completely different feeling. He wasn’t chomping down like he used to, his lips were so much more relaxed and he nursed for a solid 20 minutes. When he would normally latch for 30-45 minutes and still seem to want more. Already such a big change!

Next was to see if he would spit up after nursing

We waited 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes and still nothing. Was this all it took to keep him from spitting up everywhere all the time!? WOW! It definitely was an adjustment for all 3 of us, but I do not regret doing his frenectomy at all. The only thing I regret is not following my gut sooner so he wouldn’t have had to suffer for so long. Fast forward 6 weeks. We were done with all of the stretches, learned how to breastfeed more efficiently, and we were finally getting back to normal. I went back and looked at pictures of Andy before and after the procedure. His upper lip looked so different! I never realized how tight his upper lip was prior to the procedure.

Our next steps were to start solid foods and try our version of baby led weaning. That is too long of a story for this blog, so check out my upcoming blog about our baby led weaning journey!

Fast forward to May of 2024. Andy is 14 months old and we were down to only one nursing session a day now. He is a weird one and didn’t need to nurse at night to go to sleep (even though we still did some times). Andy LOVED to nurse as soon as he woke up, but that all of a sudden stopped the first week of May. I thought it was really weird. I was prepared to breastfeed him for as long as he wanted to. So in my brain I’m thinking we would still be nursing when he was 2 or 3, but no. He proved me wrong. Mother’s day weekend we were going to Florida to visit family and I just tried it. I tried not nursing on day one and he didn’t seem phased at all. I thought for sure that evening or the next morning he would be crying for me. Wrong again. He woke up the next morning and he went straight for the toys and real food for breakfast. Okay, was it really happening? Were we finally done nursing forever? In short, yes. My last day of nursing Andy was May 9th on the airplane. It wasn’t a magical ending, but I did have a mix of emotions. I was sad and disappointed, but I also felt free, relaxed and content. I was never going to make him stop nursing. I wanted him to be done in his own time, but it was such a bonding moment for us.

I felt like I was losing that bond that we had. Wrong again. Our bond wasn’t lost, it was changing, and that’s okay! We now play hide and seek, work in the garden, cook/bake, read books and give each other kisses. This was our new bond and I’m okay with it. He also needs his daddy a lot more now too. They rough house to no end. It makes me nervous sometimes, but that rough and tumble play is so good for both of them. My body did its job for such a long time. I am so proud of my body for producing milk for so long, even when there were so many factors fighting against it. My goal was to make it to a year and we did that. Even when he stopped nursing, I still had a huge freezer stash too. Thanks mom for the pumping motivation! I have held onto the milk and pulled from that when he needs an extra immune boost or if we need to do a milk bath. He was very easy to transition with baby led weaning and I am so thankful for the time and the bond we made while breastfeeding. I can’t wait to do it all over again with our next baby!

Dr. K’s Breastfeeding Journey with Anderson

Low back pain while pregnant

The diagnosis we never imagined